The History of America according to Jelloboy

Columbus Day
Columbus Day is in honor of Christopher Kringle finding America. Chris was from Spain and was looking for naked chicks and there wasn't that many cool places, so he went in search of Mons Venus which was only known in Legend as being "Far Away". So one day he went to the Queen of Spain and said, "I need money to go in search of naked chicks" and the queen said, heres 4000 Yen. So Chris got together with his man Snoop Dogg and said, lets go find Mons Venus. So they went to the boat store and bought a 4000 yen boat. Then they went in search of Mons Venus. When others heard of this search they came along. Because there was like more than two of them they all named themselves different. They where called the Mayday, the Pinto and the Santa Clara. So they sailed away into the sea. After being at sea for 4 days they started getting mad that they had not found Mons Venus when Christopher Columbus said, "Think about the children!". Then they all said "Where sorry" and they continued there search. They searched under the couch and in the oven and couldn't find Mons Venus.Then they got back into there boats again but this time turned up the radio really loud and came apon land. When they went apon the land there where tons of naked chicks and TeePee's. Then a man approached them and said "HO!" while raising his right arm. To Chris and Snoop Dogg this meant that he was a pimp. They then asked where they could find Mons Venus but that damn wanta be a pimp was really a foreigner and didn't speak English at all and was no help. So then Snoop and Chris contained there search of Mons Venus inland till they ended up at Chrysler Rock where there where a bunch of Vikings. They asked the Vikings where they could find Mons Venus but they where to drunk to answer any questions so Chris and Snoop Dogg killed both them all in a drive by shooting. They then headed back south when they heard a voice say, "If you build it they will come". So Chris and Snoop built Mons Venus and then America sprouted up around it as people came from all around the world to see the great Mons Venus. 

Christopher Kringle

The Wanta be Pimp
The End.